Let me start by saying I have the best girlfriends in the world; we’ve been solid friends for most of our lives. Having gone to school together we know all there is to know about one another…ever heard that expression “we’ll always be friends, you know too much about me..” 😂 So you’re probably wondering why I would need to make new friends right??
Well, 6 years ago I decided that it was a good idea to move to Sydney from Essex…(think I may have been a little tipsy at the time of my decision considering I hate flying, can’t stand the heat and hate the beach but we won’t get into that now…)
Most of my friends that I’ve made over here are drinking buddies, we’d go out after work on a Friday, hit up the pubs and beaches on the weekend, attend summer festivals and the odd boat party….life in Sydney was great!
But life changes, I met my other half, the inner old lady came out in me, we bought a dog, a house, got married and wanted to start a family….
We were the first of our friendship gang to get up the duff and to be quite frank, I really don’t advise it….
Of course your friends are excited when you have a baby, but until they have their own they just won’t get it. And I’m not judging as I was the same no doubt before I became a parent…
Over time the invites slowly but surely are becoming either last minute or not at all, people cancel arrangements due to hangovers, late nights etc, whilst we’re knackered from having a baby our friends are knackered from going out, we’re all on a completely different page.
Life is hard with a baby (especially one that doesn’t sleep), the last thing you need to be worrying about is your friends…
As far as they’re concerned, if we have to go home at 7pm for a bedtime schedule we’re the party poopers. Why should they care that I won’t be drinking because I’m breastfeeding? Or that I haven’t slept properly in months? It’s not their problem.. Not only that but with me not working and my world revolving around a baby I guess maybe my chat isn’t that interesting….
I spent months feeling upset, confused and most of all hurt. Theres been tears and a lot of anxiety. It’s taken me a good six months to realise that in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. They’re still my friends and always will be, we are just at different stages of our lives right now.
Which leads me onto how important it is to make other mummy mates…..
When I was signed up to the Bondi mothers group a few weeks after giving birth my first thought was ok, how the hell do I get out of this?! My mind went into overdrive…
“How am I going to leave the house with a baby?” “What if my baby cries?” “What if she needs feeding?” “What if no one likes me?” “ Where shall I park?” AAAAGGGHH!!!!
My husband was calm & patient and had an answer to all my ridiculous worries and encouraged me to go… he took the morning off work, drove me there and walked in with me. As soon as I saw some other mums sitting there with tiny babies looking a mixture of exhausted and unsure I felt a little better….
I manage to introduce myself, breastfeed in public, calm a crying baby and listen to the group, what do you know? We’d taken the first step and survived!
As the weeks went on, everyone became more relaxed, we started to meet for lunch and a wine, which turned into chatting about our babies, our husbands, our sex lives, you name it!
Although the group has somewhat diminished, there are still several of us that meet up a few times a week for swimming, yoga, walks, and of course the two crucial things in life, coffee and wine 😀
My little one is nearly eight months old and I can honestly say that I couldn’t have got through it without these girls!! I knew nothing about routines, feeding, sleeping, to be honest I’d never even changed a nappy before!
We text every day about last nights sleep (or lack of…), we’re genuinely pleased for each other if our baby sleeps for a few hours straight, we share tips on things like breastfeeding, poo, eating and all other really interesting mummy stuff 😂 I feel able to send a text and say things like “my husband is beng a pain in the arse or “my baby is mental, help..”
They get it.
We are all getting to see our babies grow up and learn new things every day. Its so much fun! Their babies have become my babies friends and I’ve made some wonderful friends along the way.
Being a clueless mum living so far away from my family I needed all the help I can get and I can safely say that my mothers group has kept me sane!!
Being a mum is a roller coaster. Every day has its ups and downs and trust me, you need some good friends around. 👭👭👭👭